Last year, I wrote a reflective end-of-year blog post about embracing the co- in co-lead. I didn’t anticipate making a yearly reflection a habit, and I’m probably not keen on that. I also didn’t know if I’d feel comfortable writing one this year. However, 2024 has brought many changes, and I’ve enjoyed writing through them.
Individual change
Just as in 2023, early in 2024, I lost another grandparent. I don’t quite have the words to describe the combined sense of stillness and anxiety that arises when one moment you’re counting breaths to then realise you’ve stopped counting, and you’re also the only one in the room. I didn’t expect to miss being asked by them if my “housemate” [wife] was coming to events, but I do.
Change quickly followed this.
I travelled for work more than expected, stepped into new roles and positions, made an interstate move, sold my first house, bought a new home, oversaw an association’s incorporation and a committee refresh, was more professionally open than anticipated, and much more. The next month-ish is a final push to finalise a lot of committee work and other outputs.
Change has happened quickly and all at once. I had pushed for some of it, but whether planned or serendipitous, I couldn’t control the timing.
Leading together
Change has meant some of my co-leadership roles gradually finished. However, much of my work still has some sense of co-leadership, even if enacted differently. Perhaps ‘leading together’ or ‘leading alongside’ are now better descriptors.
I recently mentioned in a talk about the sense of otherness and loneliness that can exist in leadership as a queer, neurodivergent, and disabled person. This differs from when I’ve heard people describe leadership as being lonely more generally. It is loneliness in navigating and masking otherness rather than loneliness because of isolation in role or decision-making.
It’s also where inclusion meets belonging.
A few previous co-leadership roles have truly represented belonging. They were treasured roles, and they gave me the experience to articulate the difference between inclusion and belonging in a way that textbook definitions alone couldn’t have.
Social change
Individual change hasn’t been isolated from social change and its realities.
I’ve heard that ‘change is slow’ a few times in recent years. It can be, though I’m probably not very accepting of this as a platitude or dismissal when change is needed.
About eight-ish years ago, I had a year that left me thinking, ‘someone, somewhere, could have done something.’ I’ve carried that sentiment forward with me and then looked back and recognised its impact on the directions I’ve taken.
This year, I’ve had people point out that I don’t have to take on the responsibility for social advocacy, and others point out the times I didn’t self-advocate. It’s led me to think back to some straightforward advice from a previous colleague: “It has to work for you.”
I’m already thinking about the social caveats to that statement, but it held true in the context it was offered, and it was the advice (or lack thereof!) I needed. I wasn’t being told what would work for me; there was an immediate sense of trust that I knew my day-to-day experiences best while still providing an openness to share and explore new approaches.
Time & Space
In embracing change this year, I’ve created more reflexive work for myself (as usual and expected). It’s meant:
- Challenging ideas of what works for me, 1
- Learning and listening quickly, and
- Appreciating and navigating community.
It’s also meant visibly and imperfectly exploring what authentic leadership looks like. I’m still working on that one, and I always will be. I see that as a good thing, though it’s also not my only focus.
The photo to the right is from a few years ago, with our previous cat sneaking into the corner of my study I’d set up as a studio space. This photo always leaves me reflecting on what my time and space look like and how that may change.
I haven’t done painting or printmaking in a while. Years ago, I set it aside and don’t know if/when I might take it up again. It’s somewhat aspirational, but I’m happier for now not being creative in that way.
While there’s still more to get through this year, I’m finding time to pause where I can before December and between work travel, projects, and research.
It’s been a non-stop year, but one that I kind of asked for.
- Sometimes, my ideas, but also other people’s. ↩︎